12. Maia & Ambar "If I had"

"...We are only present, present that we can change with love."

Maia:

This is me, the daughter of Natalia Pinedo, the girl that grew up without a father, the girl that lives in a trailer, the girl that felt in love with a man, who was betrayed, who lost a singing competition, I am Maia Pinedo, the one who hates Azul and everyone.

But all the days I ask myself, How it would be Maia Ulloa? Who would I be, if I had grown up with a father?

If I had been Maia Ulloa, how my life would be like? Would I live in a trailer? Would I hate everyone? Who would I be if my first and only love had not betrayed me? Who would I be if I had won the competition? If I had been successful I were happy? If I were successful I wouldn't be sad? If I had fulfilled my dream, who would I be now? 

Who would I be, If she didn't exist? Who would I be... If I had been another? If I were on the right moment, what would have happened?

It is not the unknown future what haunts us, but What would have happened if it had been different? How would my life had been If I have born in another place, another country? If I had been orphaned, if I had not an absent father... but dead. Would I be happy, if I had a happy mother?

When we make a decision, it is inevitable to think what would have happened if we had decided otherwise, we live divided between what we choose and what we could choose, we are full of nostalgia, of what we could be, we always think that we would be much more happy with what would have been, if we were not where we are, we are one of many possibilities that we could be, if we want to be what we could be, then you must make corrections.

I certainly would have been different, happier, If I had not had this mother and this is what I have to correct, my mother says she would have been happy if I had not been born, I mean, I would be happy if she were not alive. I'm tired of mourn for which I could be, today, I want to be. 

If my life had been this, if this had been my home, if this had been my clothes, if this would have been, if they loved me... I would feel so alone like now? ¿I would hate as I hate, if I had been loved? 

We all have a character assigned in this great theater that is the world, we live thinking it how it would be like if we had played another character, although we put her wardrobe, or repeat his dialogues, we can not be that character we would have liked to be, we are neither the shadow of who we had wanted to be, or the hope that we might be, we are doomed to be who we are. 

When you do not feel happy with who you are, and you grieve for which had been, you got only two alternatives: either kill the one you could have been, or to kill who you are.

Ambar:

Ian and Maia helped me understand the temporal logic in which humans are trapped. 

The light beings are present, we are that moment that happens, but humans don't, they are made of composite conditional, or imperfect future, the future is imperfect, because it is imprecise, improbable, no one can say what will be, because it don't  even know if it will. 

The compound is a conditional status, What would happen if...? But that,  if? is hypothetical, neither exists, nor does not exist it should be, or what might be, there is only what is. 

Being is defined by doing, which is, does, which does not, have been, is the action that you take the inertia of trouble, if you would like to be a singer, open your mouth and sing, something broken, distress, fix, gives happiness, the man of action, not crying for what wasn't done.

With Maia, I learned the difference between melancholy and nostalgia, nostalgia is what was, melancholy is what was not, which was, you can't change, what will be, can't be known, the present, this is all we have, the past is unchangeable, the future is untouchable, so that we are condemned to this, but the good news is that this can be transformed, only the present.

Whether we like it or not, we are only present, present that we can change with love.