13. Azul & Luz "Reference"

Azul:

Everyone is aware of what I do, if I eat if I don't eat, if I sleep, if I analyze myself, if I'm alone, if this... if that... But only I can know what it is to be in my shoes.

They may tell me egocentric, narcissistic, selfish but I have to be focused, very focused. 

Everyone sees something different in me. I'm enviable, unique, unrepeatable. They say I'm obsessive, meticulous, methodical, thorough. There are many eyes on me, what I do, what I say, what I wear. They look at me all the time and so I'm more required. And I accept it because I know what I am. I know I'm a leader. 

All people need a leader to know where they are stand in their life. 

To know what to do, what to say, how to handle ... models are needed, examples to follow. So the references are so important. 

When you're kids, your parents are your role models. When you grow your parents are your mistakes not to make. And there, they become fundamental referents. 

Everyone has references, but me. I am the benchmark and a benchmark is perfection. 

Unhappiness does not measure up until you find someone happy. There with this referent you can know how happy you are. 

Not only the food makes you gain weight, also the gaze of others. They would like to see you more fat to feel skinnier. They want to see you less happy to feel less unhappy. 

When they ask you how you are, the answer is no right or wrong, but compared to whom. No one is tall, fat or rich; it's more tall, fat or rich to someone else. That's what a referent makes. To let you know that you're less, unless someone.

A reference relieves us, because it makes us feel that we are not alone in the world. The references are coordinates that located us in space, they tell you who you are and where you are. The references are behaviors to imitate. That's the problem of the leaders, they become a very difficult ideal to achieve. A mirror in which you always look ugly.

Full yourself of ideas about what you should feel. A reference is filled with should. A reference fills you with prejudices, unique way to see life. A benchmark is that perfect ghost, impossible to reach. 

Luz:

Azul grew up without reliable references. The result of that orphan is the building of that relentless ideal, unreachable ideal. 

Humans believe that they bear the brunt of the eyes of others, it is false. The cruelest look is the look of themselves. The one that every day tell you what little they worth. From the ideal, we are all imperfect, compared to anything we are all perfect. 

Humans grow comparing themselves with others, but the uniqueness of life is unparalleled. It's that special and unique that make us special and unique. 

The ideal is so severe, that tells them they are worth so little that should not exist.